Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I am down to five more working days at the current assignment and things are getting more and more difficult to deal with...the disorganization and mis-management are intollerable at times. I spent my day today sorting through things and attempting to begin my packing. I assure you that I really did not get much done...but then again, I dont have much to pack either.
Friday night I went out to dinner with Pam, a fellow traveler, in Providence. We ate a a place called the Big Fish...great food! Needless to say...I overate!! I then spent the rest of the evening saying my goodbye's to my friend Walter. We have been seeing each other since September and it was actually kind of sad to be leaving and not knowing when I will see him again. Yes...I really did write that! He is one of few that really "understand" me.
So, I guess you could say that it is going to be a little bittersweet leaving here. The people/friends that I have met during my time here will stay with me forever...the experience is one not to be forgotten. The best advice I can give anyone is to make your own judgements on an area and it's people...the people here are not what I would ever had expected.
I am looking forward to going home and seeing my friends...I am actually going to make time to see everyone while I am home this time!! It is so difficult to do that, especially during the holidays but this time I am committed!! I have such wonderful and supportive friends and although I probably dont let them know...I appreciate them sooo very much!!
We had a blizzard come through last night...see the picture attached. The picture really doesn't do it justice. I commend the highway department here in MA for their quick and constant response to the snowfall...they were parked on the side of the highways long before the snow started falling and worked all night to clear the roads and keep them passable. I haven't ventured out yet...really dont care for the snow, but traffic seems to be moving along fine.
The Patriots have made it to the SuperBowl!!! YEAH Go PAT's!!! I'm sure that Boston will go crazy next week watching the game...guess i'll be missing that one.
It may be a while before I get back online to update, so much to do.... Please be patient and I will fill you all in when I can. I'll be in Kendallville, IN on Saturday then in Louisville, KY on Feb 2nd then on to New Orleans on the 4th then from there to my next assignment....gonna be a traveling gal!!!
The pungent stench of burnt popcorn permeates the narrow hallway of my
apartment building. Lime green wallpaper, like the product of a child with too
many crayons and too much free time, coats the walls. The click of the lock on
my door indicates that the room is accessible and I push it open slowly, the
sappy music of a soap opera filling my ears. The room is void, the hollow shell
of a place unused, and I step forward, clicking off the television and closing
my blinds, shutting out the radiant light beaming in.
Silence. My world is silent and dark. I can see dimly by the light of the microwave, but this is how I like it. I toss my backpack into the corner, the dull thud it makes is the only signification that it landed where I wanted. I dip my hand into a small
bowl on the table near the television, the rustle of the wrappers of the
Creamsaver like the faint rustle of leaves before a thunderstorm. I unwrap it
and pop it into my mouth, the "twisted berry" flavor sweet on my tongue.
I move over to my couch, flopping down on it like a lifeless doll,
stretching out a bit to relieve the growing pain in my back. I close my eyes,
savoring the flavor of the CreamSaver for a moment more before reaching over to
retieve the remote from the table. My time of silence ends abruptly as I flip
the television back on and flip through the channels. Suddenly, Superman flies
through a window and lands gallantly, flip, a wizened woman is teaching me how
to roast a chicken, flip, Bugs Bunny is fooling Elmer Fudd. My eyelids sloyly
Darkness. I am drifting in a sacred world of darkness, little
colorspots dancing across my vision. My chest rises and falls slowly. I hear a
faint "whats up doc" and then nothing.
I enjoyed reading this essay that Corey wrote and thought the rest of you might get some enjoyment out of it also....
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Some of the thoughts are of my interactions with others, either through direct contact or just a glance that has many meanings... Ever notice that you can communicate with another human that you have never met before without saying a single word....the other day I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for my daily coffee and this man in line ahead of me was being nothing short of an asshole to the counter clerk. Her eyes met mine for just a split second and somehow we silently communicated our distaste for this man.
Today it snowed, just a little...but just enough to cover the trees and the power lines and the grass and roofs.... It was very pretty. I find that I dont often enough take the time to observe my surroundings.
It's been two weeks since I last went to the gym....I am very disappointed in myself but at the same time I am finding it difficult to find the incentitive to go?? I know that working out is good for my body and I always feel better after I go, but still I can't seem to find "it" in me to get there. I dont know what "it" is, or why some people have "it" and I dont. I would really like to find "it". Maybe I'll put up a lost ad on Craigslist and see if anyone has found my "it"....hey, it might work??
Work sucks...I'm finding myself bored, lonley and "friend-sick". Yep, "friend-sick"!! I cant say that I am home-sick as I really dont miss home...I dont even know where I really consider "home". But I do know that I am sorely missing the familiarity of my friends...the ability to call anytime of the day and go for coffee because I cant sleep, or have someone to "set me straight' on what-ever drama is going on in my life, or someone to bitch to about work, oh.....I could go on forever but anyway I AM FRIENDSICK!!!
I am counting the days left here. I am so very ready to experience some-place new. Yet, at the same time I am finding it difficult to narrow down my options and settle on something. There are multiple possibilities for my next assignment and I just can't seem to priortize. I dont know what is standing in the way...change is good...and I am looking forward to change....omg, it just hit me...I am afraid that I am going to make a "bad" decision!!! Well, that's just no excuse at all!! Even if I choose a place/job that I dont like, it isn't as if I am going to be there forever...it's only 13 weeks!!! Ok, now I can do this. Alaska is an option although I dont know anything about the hours/pay yet. Travel will be expensive...so maybe this isn't a good choice considering that I may be going to court sometime in the next 13 weeks?? South Carolina is another choice but the pay SUCKS, and it puts Corey into a "southern" school (no offense to you southern folks...I love you...but Corey just doesn't do good with the southern schools...he is too much of a non-conformist). Another option is California...the job would be home health and would not give me an opportunity to get any hospital work on my off days unless I wanted to work 7 days a week~which I dont. So...those are my options for now and I think I have just talked myself out of all of them...NOW WHAT???
Enough of this bull for tonite. I dont know if I feel better or worse??